Sunday, February 12, 2012

Out of the cave.

I work from my home office, which is sort of a literal cave, being in the basement.  It's also a metaphorical cave, because aside from a few specific scheduled interactions, I don't like to leave the house much, and rarely see a lot of people at once, other than trips to the supermarket (but I just do my shopping and get out).  This is sort of a form of self-preservation while I am still un-transitioned, as I realized this past week when I was visiting Boston.  While my lovely wife was at her work, I spent the day working on my laptop while sitting in Boston's Quincy Market.  In the morning, it's fairly quiet, but after about 11am, there seems to be a constant flow of people moving around, having lunch, etc.  What's really cool for people-watchers is the enormous heterogeneity - folks of all ages, languages, nationalities, cultures, economic classes, reasons for being there, etc.  And of course, there are lots of women.  And I'm not one of them.  I guess it's sort of a mild jealousy, although I'd characterize it more as just wistful desire.  But wow, being around lots of women really sets off my gender dysphoria. I've been depressed for days now, and I'm back home and "safely" ensconced in my cave.  It'll pass, I think.  I just needed to vent.

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