Monday, February 7, 2011
I occasionally find myself judging other trans people. And, I am rather embarrassed to say, it sometimes takea few minutes before I catch myself and give myself a mental slap. I've mentioned before that I fall into the transsexual "category" along the gender spectrum, and if and when I finally transition fully, I hope that no one sees me as anything other than a woman. Even being seen as a "successful" transwoman is not really what I want. I want to fit in, and be unnoticed. As a racial minority, I very often felt that I was being categorized automatically, and therefore I was always annoyed at people of my race who failed to be exemplary members of society, or at least innocuous members of society. It took me a while to get over that, and I still feel a twinge of that even now. With transgenders, I somehow have this worry that those who are obvious about it will make society more likely to view me with suspicion. Eventually, I slap myself and recognize that there are plenty of "normal" non-trans men and women who could easily pass as the other sex, whether they want to or not. Is this some sort of slow, manual de-programming of my brain after years of gender expectations programmed into it by societal, commercial, and other influences? All I know is that every time it happens, I am annoyed with myself and tell myself that I really should know better.